Cool Devices

Another relic from 1995, is a hentai series that everyone says broke new ground at the time. To be honest, I’ve never been so bored watching a porno. So here’s my review of Operation 1 (of 11) of Cool Devices.

The whole thing begins with what looks like a mid-90s HBO Real Sex opening animation, with various little bits of dirty talk strewn about. Such wonderful phrases as “Put your frankenfurter in my honey pot”. Great, now I have an image of Tim Curry dressed as Winnie the Pooh. Fuck you movie.

Keep in mind that while this is a Japanese production, all the phrases are in English. And spelled properly too! Such high quality production.

So Episode, excuse me, Operation 1 begins, titled “Curious Fruit” buy some guy called MON-MON. I don’t even want to know.

We open with a typical anime woman chained up in a bondage outfit with snakes slithering all over her body. In the shadows, someone, who I’m assuming is Alucard from Castlevania, is watching, as one of the snakes gets a little adventurous. Wow, five minuets in and already to the naughty tentacles. Why am I not surprised.

So the first startling realization is why am I watching this out of morbid curosity. The second is noticing that it is not censored. Yes, despite the extremely bizzare sexual quirks and tropes of Japanland, they censor out the private parts with little mosaics. Or in the case of manga, with tiny censor bars that cover nothing but are just there for the sake of saying they did it.

Oh, look at me, I’m off topic again. Anyway, one of the snakes magically turns into a nipple ring, then we get a flashback. A man and a woman enter into a bar and… I forgot the punchline so here’s an image.

Must be an anime convention in town.

They both order a Gimlet, who I assume is related to the dwarf from Lord of the Rings, then Alucard proceeds to fondle her boobs much to the shock of the bar crowd. They are what is known as “exhibitionists”, or I call them, the FurAffinity users.

Our snake fucker from before is there too, almost acting like Fluttershy if she walked in on Dash and Pinkie kissing, and accidentally makes eye contact with the duo.

Sorry, I’m jealous of your curves…

Alucard proceeds to finger his trophy in public, leading me to wonder if this is somewhat censored or she just has a heavenly light spilling out of her vag. One of Fluttershy’s friends says she can’t look while clearly not trying to not look, while the others think it’s some kind of show.

I guess this IS Japan, so stuff like this is commonplace. I mean, just look at the internet. Fluttershy messes her panties with the sudden fantasies of Alucard, then discovers they’re leaving. So like any sensible, sexually curious, obvious virgin, she decides to follow the two to an alley out back.

It appears that they knew she would follow her, because they wait for her to get there, then she slinks under Alucard’s coat and proceeds to yummy down on it. We get to look under the coat to see she’s sucking on a glow stick of some sort. I guess out of all of these episodes, with alien parasites crawling where the sun don’t shine and women growing dicks for some odd reason, THIS one is the one that needs to be censored.

Gross misuse of product.

Almost reminds me of Castlevania again, where the naked statues were censored for American audiences with togas, while Medusa’s titties were out for all to see. How far we’ve come.

Anyway, Fluttershy is overcome and lets them slip away. She winds up being accosted by them, and the woman proceeds to shove her hand into Fluttershy’s panties. (Her name is Ai, but seriously). The woman says she can help her find what she’s looking for, then we get an odd close up shot of an alley cat who seems very invested in what’s going on. Ai get’s abducted offscreen and the cat runs off.

Yes, I am intrigued.

So they stick Ai in her outfit, then toss her in their dungeon, which almost looks like if Hellraiser was dumbed down for a theme park ride. Nipples pulled with chains, blindfolds, and even an bass akwards human centipede!

Human Centipede 3: You’re Doing It Wrong!

Keep in mind this is what I CAN show you. We’re also introduced to the concept of human furniture. Makes me wonder why Clive Barker never had this idea. Ai is whipped into licking Alucard’s piercing, while he is dressed like a Dethklok groupie.

I was first in line for front row tickets!

So we’re treated to an overtly long scene of her being violated for amusement, where we see Ai’s snatch isn’t censored, but Alucard still has his glow stick. I’m confused. He wads all over her face, then kisses her thank you.

We then cut to Batman’s worst nightmare, as Carrie Kelly is dancing with several other anime tropes in some sort of Eyes Wide Shut strip club. Ai is tossed to the wolves on a leash and we get another overtly long scene. She’s then chained up on stage to be oggled, where she becomes what I call ‘horny-fied’, where her brain says no but her body says yes.

“Catgirl. Can’t BELIEVE she calls herself THAT!” – Batman (Dark Knight Strikes Again)

The Gimp from Pulp Fiction comes up and performs a far more interesting version of the Passion of the Christ. The woman notices Ai keeps staring at Alucard, so sends him up to her. Ai must be turned on because she’s leaking white hot plasma all over the stage. I don’t know if this is more misguided censoring or an odd metaphor.

“So, you play Metal Gear Solid, do you?”

Alucard proceeds to help himself, because we all know rape is love. Of course, she wants more, and soon he whips out his glow stick and fucks her silly in front of everyone.

Blah blah blah, rape is love still, and we get a Twilight Zone ending where Ai’s friends see her with Alucard in the same bar doing the same thing as where we started.